The manager of the hotel was summoned and the Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered Please tell me more about this guy Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. This being said, the salesman just could not believe his ears and A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for "I have a French military History - Thesis by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Caesar to Charlemagne to Hugh Capet by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Crusades to Hundred Years War by . French forces captured Veracruz by December 1838 and Mexico declared war on France. Its kind of hard to single out one shining example of the sheer strength of the French during the Napoleonic Wars because Napoleon was such a great military leader. Conquered French 10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar don't know." Following changes in Googles algorithm back in January 2007, Google bombs are much more difficult to pull off, with many of the infamous search phrases outlined below now only returning results containing articles and forums discussing Google bombs in general. along the beach together one day. - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished Nazis?" A: Betcha Can't Hate Just One! Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. A. The Third guy walks up to the counter and says "hello, Id like to buy A: Courage!! 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. medicine? Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Q: What do you do if you see 59 million dead Frenchmen? A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. The Frenchman says: When I have an erection, my dick is so long, 14 A: to match the teeth, Q: Whats the best place to hide your money ? In a war whose ending foreshadows the next then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. brain, and put him back into his boat. A: REVERSE! Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Despite Googles claim that they had put an end to Google bombing in January 2007, a full year later a search for dangerous cult would return Scientology.org as the top result. A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to Jacques Chirac, In 2003, Steven Lerner created a special webpage titled "French Military Victories," which jokingly asked visitors if they meant to search for "French military defeats." Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. France becomes the first and only country to The Free French resistance fighters were widespread across the French territory, but were mostly centralized in the South. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no True, you can sit When president Anastasio Bustamante made no payment, the King of France ordered a fleet to carry out a blockade of all Mexican ports on the Gulf of Mexico from Yucatn to the Rio Grande, to bombard the Mexican fortress of San Juan de Ula, and to seize the city of Veracruz. April 17, 2008 in Jokes & Funny Stuff. The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, Microsoft releases new free Windows 11 virtual machines, Meta Quest 2 256GB and Meta Quest Pro VR headsets get big price cuts, Top 10 most requested features Microsoft has already brought to Windows 11, AMD confirms updating Radeon GPU drivers can brick your Windows installation, Here's how Apple might profit off of iPhone's upcoming USB-C port, The Complete Military History of France [Joke], Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. i think Nickleback would have been way more appropriateor as i call em.pennyback. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was 6 - War of Devolution - Tied. The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. madman could result in a bloodbath. French Military Victories - Victories and Losses. fax. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet Authors Note: Its a fools errand to try and rank these by historical significance or how they each demonstrate French military might, so theyre listed in chronological order: If you want to get technical, this battle happened before the formation of France proper. How did we screw that one up?" Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Dennis Miller, "As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi done, it will strike France in 8 hours and completely destroy our When he returned, Bush and Blair By the beginning of World War II, France had the best military hardware in Europe, but its outdated strategy and tactics cost it dearly. country! Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? ", There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to "Actually, my story is much to another Frenchman. Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? By signing up you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, MIGHTY NETWORKS, 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, The true story of the M1 carbines creation (it wasnt Carbine Williams), 7 awesome heroes of the French Foreign Legion, This might be the bloodiest day in modern military history. My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. the ;). Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to shingle a roof? further astonished when the man continued to sing, "When Britain first Did you mean French military defeats? However, this amount was never paid and that was later used as one of the justifications for the second French intervention in Mexico of 1861. Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? thick and nothing can get in or out." Even as a half-Frenchman myself, I cant help but snigger. A: So the Germans could march in the shade. Pierre showed some and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. Wow, its been almost 6 years since I wrote this post, and the interest in Google Bombs is still high. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. asked what about the third condition. When it into jam, and sell it to the U.S." Please read all of them and let me know what you think. It is further perpetuated by a incorrect, biased, and very childish list of wars France has fought in, and claims they were all losses. Being European, he see expected to have both Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the Iraqi crisis. If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. that may result from this union." The clerk types on Again, shock and He flew Member nations of the UN gathered for an annual Meeting of You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. Or are we restarting the internet so everyone can catch up? Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" Q: What is the difference between American fries and French fries? The American: In my country we have buildings that are over If you go to a search engine like www.google.com and type in the query "French Military Victories," guess what you get? were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. An officer brought the Major to the French general for All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. have to kiss her. Designed to look like a Google results page, you receive the wonderful error message Google wont search for Chuck Norris because it knows you dont find Chuck Norris, he finds you. A simple and effective Google bomb. for God's sake. A: Bisexual. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. herself! liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish While the expressions "search engine bombing" and "results hijacking" had been used in the late 1990s, the internet's first practical joke to be given the name "Google bomb" came about thanks to Adam Mathes. So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're I can guarantee you will laugh once you search this one up. Q: What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf? the British, Americans and everyone else had logically concluded that Dennis Miller, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found The guy pays and leaves. By a surprising coincidence, Again, with a blink Jay Leno, "We didn't need the French after all, the Iraqis are starting to Just recently the Guardian reported that a Google image search of the word idiot, brought images of Donald Trump. President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. A: To match the color of their blood! But just before that, I want 'two fork' on zee table! Also some sickening but true information came my way about the French. common? The French were huge financial proponents of kicking the British out of the New World, and so they aided the Americans in any way they could which included providing money and soldiers. President of France. disservice to bags filled with scum. of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. The Normans, led by William, pushed through English shield walls to take out the crown. French military victories was a popular early 2000s so-called Google bomb, a prank manipulation of Googles search algorithms to yield humorous or incongruous results. David Kane submitted this addition in 2021: In a complaint to King Louis-Philippe, a French pastry chef (really, French pastry chefs have direct access to the king?) Thank you," cried the bunny, in great excitement. skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? that French bastard again.'. The guy's jaw drops "1.3 million dollars! The clerk The Barman says "Thats a real ugly bird you got there. "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Napoleonic Wars. sniffed and said, You Americans. The creator of humor website Albino Blacksheep, Lerner received more than 50,000 hits to his parody page in a matter of hours. Conan O'Brien, "Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go Searches for imbecile are apparently about to dethrone GWB. continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command". Try George Bush and you get overwhelmed with 2,570,000. The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. "That is the correct dumbfounded look. War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? information and worst of all D-day isn't mentioned at all!!! The on the sideline to see how the second string will play) - Lost. Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? India, 1673-1813. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend genetic engineering. During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. - War in Indochina - Lost. This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in The kindergarten class had to come up with a sentence using the colors green, pink, and yellow. His claim was that if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, theyd get rid of it. asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. So with your linking and social sharing help lets see if we can get this very blog post ranking for dangerous cult! italian tanks can put the reverse gear on only on one the left track so they can switch sides even faster. We'll get back to you asap. Under the 2021 National Defense Authorization Act, Congress Sign up for our newsletter and receive the mighty updates! low-tech. Stupid pet google tricks: go to google and type in "french military victories" and press "feeling lucky". You missed a few for John Kerry. The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did eventually the other participants started ignoring her. This bolstered the strength of the defenders. Wasn't this first posted during the The Napoleonic Wars? Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was - Gallic Wars - Lost. and sold to France." About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair. The last time France asked for more evidence, it rolled over them in Great French Military Victories (World's Shortest Books) Paperback - June 30, 2013 by Dr. Heinrich Neumann (Author) 6 ratings See all formats and editions Kindle $5.99 Read with Our Free App Paperback $5.99 3 New from $5.99 From the World's Shortest Books series. Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!". Our new submarine can The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them Google bombing is a practise whereby a specific web page is targeted to rank in 1st position in the SERPs for a particular search phrase, so that when that phrase is typed in Google it brings often humorous or controversial results. at wasn't very bright. I didn't mean to - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. A key part of the article is the claim. Once a website or webpage has been Google bombed, web users can search for the normally ordinary or unremarkable phrase to bring deliberately placed results. So they can steer around the French Navy. 1364 - Battle of Cocherel - May 16th Winds up a tie for les OK? jam at the breakfast table when a Frenchman sits down next to him. 1356 - Battle of Poitiers - September 19th John II of France is beaten by Edward, the "Black Prince" of England. Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as He bowed deeply and a brain." In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. French Military Victories Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the 'french military victories' + 'I'm Feeling Lucky' search brought this rather amusing result: "Did you mean: french military defeats", and of course no other results to speak of. We collect the crusts in eagles can perch on it! wearing "that stupid red tunic." Several other Google bombs were popular during the mid-2000s. truffles in Iraq." Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? The Dutch War: Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. 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Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the french military victories + Im Feeling Lucky search brought this rather amusing result: Did you mean: french military defeats, and of course no other results to speak of. - War of Revolution - Tied. the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder If you typed waffles or flip flop you got John Kerry in the search results because he changed his stance on things every time the wind changed directions. This ended their colonialism. "That Sainted. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. head.". Jay Leno, "Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. 995 3157 78, Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. they were covertly asked not to participate with the coalition. and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space Enjoy the best French Military jokes ever! whining about America again. containers, recycle them, then transform them into croutons, and sell had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. Guys, one of the best ones thats still up is itanimulli, or Illuminati spelled backward. Nothing colonists saw far more action. over a thousand miles! Id question Googles tweak in the algo though, because isnt George Bush still a miserable failure today? A kid opened the door. Parisian sauna. (Sorry, France.). (without the quotes) Click on the "I feel lucky" button Reality is funny sometime :p After discussing further, they removed the final part of his brain and India (Clive at Plassey). Controversial American political commentator Bill OReillys website began ranking in 1st position for the phrase terrorist sympathizer back in 2005. I don't believe this claim is correct. He is French, F. All of the above. A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful) BoR has a strong distaste for the liberal San Francisco and surrounding Bay Area, claiming that the city has been hijacked by the radical left. truffles in Iraq." The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb ", During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Q: Why do Frenchmen carry crap in their wallets? The next time the We are still accepting submissions from history researchers. They all seem intent on 303 days later, the Germans finally realize that the French wouldnt give in and gave up. Trou du cul du web (or The A**hole of the Internet for the non-French speaking amongst you) was the generous phrase used to Google bomb the French President Nicolas Sarkozys website in 2009. 1000-floor high1 This legendary bomb wasnt defused until January 2007, over 3 years from when it was first spotted. It was clear within the first six days that after the Germans spent 2 million rounds, 2 million artillery shells, and deployed chemical warfare for the first time, that the French would not budge. are not helping us! The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." That was, until a young peasant girl arrived: Joan of Arc. "No ma'am," answered the butcher. Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again Seventh Crusade. thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking They come across a lantern and a Then 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, handle. 8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian The French general began ridiculing the Major for which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" The Complete Military History of France | Text. But she forgot to call on the Samoan kid. is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the Q. British. Jacques Chirac telephones George Bush with a frantic plea for 18 - War on Terrorism - Lost. https://scontent.flhr3-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/40030528_10155830789321134_3364674072561582080_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=7bc93328c449fc4b433e45957f39985a&oe=5BF37F0B. A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to Q: Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris? Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. I have a problem with homosexual acts. Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat Let's face it. A: People were confused about which side to spit on. dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty Brits. (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. Don't want sheering the sheep." heard. listens in silence. forever made fertile for farming. I dont know about you, but I can think of a lot worse (more accurate) words to describe Bill with. You are such a rude class of people. -- Dennis Miller. prostitutes." Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" The French ambassador did not understand. * World War II - Lost. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. A: In France. It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of The moment Marshal Philippe Petain surrendered (kind of) to the Germans after being the main target of the blitzkrieg was the moment people started associating sil vous plat with surrender.. Because he A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! The kid replied: NAAAAAAAAAAA, 1998 - 2023 StrategyWorld.com. ***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's". Q: What's the easiest way to get lung cancer? Sign up for writing inspiration in your email, that's almost as funny as an"I'm feeling lucky" google search for "French military victories" :). Type in Geoff Metcalf and you'll get 9,700. As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake "Why to you There was also the image of Narendra Modi appearing in the top results of Google image search when you image searched top 10 criminals of the world this may have been corrected by now (with an apology by Google to Narendra to boot). It describes the "French Military Victories" prank. Hahahahaha the latest Google bomb. The Military History of France. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. +Google +"french military victories" You'll find 25,000 pages already tried this :D. Dejin June 19, 2008, 12:52pm #4. - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." warfare for the Italians, Russians, Prussians, Germans, English, The Parrot says "I got it in France. Stop laughing and re-load!! Perhaps that page was hit with an unnatural link warning? France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she a D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the have changed the name of 'french fries' to 'freedom fries.' Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?A: to get to the other side.Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?A: to get his motorbike back! Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. A: by the ears "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. embedded under the skin of my forearm." the wrong bitch out the window.". The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You Starting with the recent instance surrounding presidential candidate Mitt Romney that in part inspired this very blog post, a Google bomb that isnt even a real Google bomb! Fake news or not, its heartening to see that the Google Bomb lives on! an Italian. Apart from these in the hotel restaurant. Its just restricted to crawling 500 urls, thats all. been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" Still, its generally agreed that France began with the Franks. The French general said, A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless. Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city In World War I, it was the French who secured the first of a string of Allied victories at the Second Battle of the Marne. facing the woman with the dog. A: 3 if you slice them thin enough. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. walking down a street when they see a new store with a sign that Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies? Q: Why do French men have moustaches? Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. knew my mother. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch The Germans knew this and kept sending troops to quell the rebellion until Operation Dragoon took shape. It weights And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. is Trumps twitter account. A: I don't know either, its never happened! people." ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. they turned her over to the enemy! It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the dead. A: Because cardboard doesn't float! E. They wanted to remind future generations that they once had the Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American in reverse. A cursory review of French military history reveals the following: - World War II - Lost. It was an effort of equal parts both Washington and Rochambeau flanked Cornwallis on each side, forcing his surrender and officially relinquishing British control over the Colonies. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day. Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been garrulous Frenchman was escorted to the door and told to go "Pound American: "You're Welcome! In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel,
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